Shake It Off
by nocturnalbeauty
Summary: Shake It Off was my donation for Fandom For Christy. On July 20th 2014, Christy Pellicano - known to many as DeansHoneyBear - lost her husband, Daniel, after a brief but extremely intense battle with Cancer.


"Shake It Off" by nocturnalbeauty for Christy.

_But I keep cruising_

_Can't stop, won't stop grooving_

_It's like I got this music_

_In my mind_

_Saying, "it's gonna be alright"._

"_Shake It Off" by Taylor Swift_

Dancing was my life before I got married. It's not that my husband forced me to quit dancing, but he made me realize that I needed to get my priorities into perspective and put my home life first. So I did. For a few years, I was the "perfect" housewife and - when Claire was born - mother. Though our marriage wasn't as stable as I would've liked before having Claire, she became my sun. My world revolved around her, and her alone. Gone was my dancing and, soon, my marriage.

Michael was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer when Claire was about to turn four. His diagnosis was made too late and he was already in such an advanced stage, that there was nothing doctors could do about it. He was gone within three weeks.

Claire and I were heartbroken - but she took his death the hardest, and went as far as giving everybody the silent treatment.

I enrolled her in the local Head Start as well as ballet lessons as soon as I could, hoping the activities would help her open up to me again. With her away for most of the day, I would lock myself in the basement - the space Michael had converted into my dance space when we'd first bought the house - and dance to the soft music for hours on end.

Claire spent close to six months in silence. No matter how many activities I signed her up for, or how many therapists I took her to see, she wouldn't open to anyone.

Her love for dance developed every day though, and that gave me hope. Instead of trying to talk to her, I started taking her to the basement to dance. Together, we would dance for hours on end until we were either too tired to continue or our stomachs were rumbling. She may not have been expressing herself with her words, but she did so with her movements and the music she chose.

I couldn't afford to lose myself in the grief, so I threw myself into work and dance. I learned to split my time between dance, the upcoming studio, and Claire pretty evenly. I'd drop her off at the Head Start around eight, drive over to my sister's office to work on studio plans, pick Claire up and take her to Madame Russo's Ballet Academy. If Emily and I finished the day's work, I'd stay and watch Quinn's lessons. If not, I'd be back in time to catch the end and take her home.

We remained on this routine for another six months and the first anniversary of Michael's death was upon us in an instant.

Just as suddenly as Claire opened up to me, she shut back down.

Emily and I did everything in our power to help her, but she refused to be helped. She spent that week in a comatose state, barely moving.

One night, after putting Claire to bed, Em and I sat by the fireplace with a cup of warm tea.

"I just don't know what to do anymore, Em. She was fine for a little while, and now she's back to this. I hate seeing my baby like this."

She patted my hand.

"She'll open up when she's ready, Bella. It'll take time. Things were becoming somewhat normal again, and today threw her off track. She'll need this time to re-adjust." I nodded thoughtfully, gnawing on my bottom lip.

"I hope you're right. I can't take it."

We were quiet for a short while. I ran a hand through my messy hair and looked at Emily. She appeared to be lost in her own thoughts, a small dip appearing between her eyebrows.

"I know, Bells. Maybe with our studio opening up soon, she'll come out of her shell."

"Maybe."

We left it at that. She finished her tea, picked up her scarf and coat, and made her way out to her car.

"Give Quil kisses for me, will you?"

"Of course! I'll even bring him with me tomorrow."

I nodded, and blew a kiss at my departing sister. In a blink of an eye, her car disappeared around the corner of our street. I quickly shut the door and locked it.

Turning off all the lights, I walked towards the back of the house but stopped at Claire's bedroom to give her a final kiss for the night.

She was sleeping peacefully in her bed, the moonlight washing softly over her. Her blonde curls were splayed over her pillow, and she clutched the blanket tightly to her chest. For once in the past few days, she looked peaceful.

"I love you, little bird."

The next few days passed by smoothly. Claire and I kept to our routine, and even got to spend some time with my nephew.

It wasn't until Thursday evening that Emily called again, saying there were new investors for the studio but they wanted to see us dance before making anything final. She offered to have Jessica - her babysitter - watch Claire as well. I was fine with that.

We were meeting early Friday afternoon to finalize a routine for the investors. I had dropped Claire off at Emily's house with her husband, Sam, earlier and was now stuck in traffic. The radio was on, still playing Claire's current favorite Frozen soundtrack.

The soft melody of _Do You Wanna Build A Snowman_ surrounded me, and I couldn't help but think about Claire.

_People are asking where you've been_

_They say "have courage", and I'm trying to_

_I'm right out here for you, just let me in_

_We only have each other_

_It's just you and me_

_What are we gonna do?_

…

_Do you wanna build a snowman?_

For the first time in over a year, I allowed my tears to be free. In those few minutes to myself, I allowed my emotions to wash through me. My daughter shouldn't have to be grieving the loss of her father - she should be learning how to ride a bike with him, maybe even playing soccer.

As the light turned red, I pressed my head against the steering wheel. Things should be so different for us. I shouldn't be a widow at 25. I shouldn't _not_ be grieving the loss of my husband, like my daughter. I shouldn't be… relieved that I can dance freely again without him restricting me.

Angry tears rolled down my cheeks. I wiped them away quickly.

Traffic moved around me, and as did I. I moved seamlessly with everyone around me.

I found myself parking in front of _Swan Dance _in no time, right next to Emily's car. I could see her talking to a man inside the building. He was tall and well built - not huge with muscles, but defined enough.

I sighed, picked up my purse, locked the car, and made my way inside. Around me, the space had been transformed. What before had been cracked drywall and falling ceiling tiles now was a sleek and modern dance studio, with a reception area and desk towards the large window in the front building. There several doors along the hallway, but one stood out to me.

I stood in front of a hot pink door with a silver plaque on it. Written in cursive font was, _Bella Swan_. I felt the urge to open the door and let everything go.

And I did.

I stripped of my coat and purse, and plugged my phone into the stereo. The music was soft, peaceful. Before I knew it, my feet had carried me to the middle of the dark room and I was twirling along with the melody.

I was letting go, finally - letting go of the past, and my worries. Everything was going to be cleared soon enough, I could feel it deep in my bones. Soon, I'd have my little bird back, and I'd be in a good place to focus on the studio and making her life as amazing as could be.

Soon... We'd be free.

Time at the studio flew by, as it usually did when I was dancing. Looking at the clock, I noticed I'd be tight on time to take Claire to her lessons. I decided to ask Emily to bring her over, and we'd give her a lesson ourselves.

Emily agreed, saying it would be good for her to spend time with us together.

While she was gone, I adjusted the lighting and changed the playlist. Claire didn't like dancing to "gloomy" music, she liked having upbeat music to dance to.

My thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Come in," I said. From the other side of the door stood the man I'd seen Emily talking to when I'd arrived. Seeing him up close, I noticed his hair had a bronze tint to it and he had the most dazzling emerald green eyes. He was tall - well over 6 feet tall - with a solid build. He wasn't beefy, but his muscles were defined. I could see them straining against his white t-shirt.

"I was hoping you would come back out so I could introduce myself. I'm Edward Cullen. Ms. Uley called me in to do some woodwork." He held his hand out to me. I took it without a second thought, his much larger hand wrapping around mine.

"I'm Bella - Emily's sister."

A smile graced his lips.

"A beautiful name for a beautiful woman."

I couldn't contain the giggle that escaped me.

"Thank you."

We stood there, staring at each other, for I don't know how long. Next I knew, Emily walked in with Claire hot on her tail.

"Hi, mama." That had been the most she'd said within the last week.

"Hey, baby. How was your day with Quil and Jessica?"

She just shrugged her shoulders.

"I see you've met Edward," said Emily. I nodded. "He's been so helpful with the stage for the younger kids. It's coming along great."

Edward smiled sheepishly.

"It's alright."

"It's awesome. You'll see it when it's done, Bells - you'll love it!" She had a huge grin on her face. "Plus, I designed it myself." I burst out laughing. "It isn't funny."

"Of course you'd love something you had a great influence in doing, Em."

I looked at Edward. He was looking at Claire, who was on the opposite side of the room from me, but a smile graced his lips and his eyes shone. As she danced, his eyes never parted - they stayed on her with her every move. Though my gaze would alternate between Edward and Claire, my main focus was on him. He looked mesmerized by her, in awe.

I was aware of how charming my daughter could be, but I'd never seen her have this kind of effect on anyone. Oddly enough, I didn't mind it. It warmed my heart to see him looking at her that way, knowing Michael would have crushed any dreams she may have had about dancing before she even began.

Hours flew by, and by the end of the night, we were all exhausted.

I'd already locked up the studio and had our things in the car, my purse over my shoulder, and Claire buckled in her carseat. She was so exhausted after she'd danced for hours, and later ate pizza with Em and Edward while I did some paperwork. She'd fallen asleep as soon as her head hit the car seat head cushion.

I shut the car door and took a deep breath. Beside mine was a dark blue pickup truck. Edward was leaning against it, smoking a cigarette.

"Let me take you to dinner."

I looked at him, shocked. I could feel my face heat up.

"I can't." His expression never wavered.

"Please? I promise I won't disappoint."

A giggle escaped me.

"Um, I don't know. I'd need to find a sitter for Claire."

His smile widened.

"There's no need. My sister, Alice, is a kindergarten teacher. She loves kids. I'm sure she and my mother wouldn't mind having Claire over for a few hours while we go out."

I looked at my feet. Jeez, I felt like an awkward teenager all over again.

"I guess. I mean, if you're sure they wouldn't mind."

He shook his head.

"Not at all. They'll love her."

"Okay. When did you have in mind?"

"Friday at 8?"

I nodded my head.

"That would be fine."

Stepping on the butt of his cigarette, he leaned down and pressed a soft kiss on my cheek.

"I'll see you later, beautiful."

We each got into our respective cars and drove off in separate directions.

I didn't really get to see Edward until Wednesday night - we had simply partaken to the hello-goodbye routine while at work. Emily had taken Claire to her and Sam's house for a sleepover, and I was holed up in my office at _Swan Dance_ working. It seemed that a lot of people in New York City remembered my name - mostly people I'd gone to Juilliard with - and were signing their children, nieces, or nephews up at our studio.

There were so many applications to go through, and so little time before our opening. Which was in two more weeks. All the major renovations were finished, now we had to finish decorating the reception area and hang up mirrors in the classrooms. We were also expecting a piano tuner to come in a few days before opening.

As exciting as it all was, it was also very overwhelming. We expected a couple hundred people to come to opening night, including students and their families. The plan was to have a few of the instructors perform and mingle throughout the evening. Of course, there would be hors d'ourves, and wine for the adults. If everything went according to plan, both adults and children would have a good time.

I sat on the reception desk, filing last minute documents from students. The sun had already set, and the clock on the wall read quarter after seven. I turned the desktop computer off, put the pen back in its mug, and shut the drawer. I wrapped the wool scarf loosely around my neck, and hung my jacket over my arm.

I went to the production room, where Edward said he would be working in.

Opening the heavy door, my eyes went straight to where he stood. His jeans hung low on his hips, golden skin peeking out from under his shirt. His hair was beyond messy, as though he had been running his hands through it constantly.

I approached him slowly, clearing my throat.

"Hey," I said. He turned to look at me, and smiled. "I'm just heading out. Are you staying later?"

"No. I should probably get going too. Have you had dinner yet?" I shook my head in the negative. "I'm starving, and I'd love it if you could join me for a bite."

"Sure. Claire's with Emily and her husband for the night."

His smile widened.

"Great! I'll put these tools away and we can head out."

"Okay. I'll just wait for you out front." He nodded.

I turned to walk away, but he grabbed my wrist and pulled me against him. Without warning, his lips pressed to mine softly, and his other arm wrapped around my waist. I sighed in content.

My arms made their way around his neck. My body pressed against his.

"Fuck," he muttered under his breath, pulling away from me. "You're gorgeous."

I pressed my hand against my slightly swollen lips.

"You're pretty handsome yourself."

"I know," he said, winking at me.

I took a step back.

"Go, finish up. I'll start locking up."

He nodded, pressing his lips against mine once more.

"Will do, beautiful."

I left him to put his tools away while I went classroom through classroom, turning all the lights off and locking windows.

It only took him a few minutes to come out, shutting the door behind his tall frame.

He came to stand in front of me, not a single sign of hesitation on his face or body. He actually looked giddy - an expression I had yet to see. It made me happy though, knowing I had been the one to make him feel like that.

He reached out for my hand, and I immediately slipped mine in his larger hand.

I felt a spark run up my arm and down my spine - the same spark I had been feeling since he first touched me.

It never failed to surprise me how a simple, innocent touch could cause such a reaction. I shrugged it off to it being static, but I knew there was something more to it. I had never felt the kind of connection - electricity - in the years I had been with Michael. Sure, there was a strong attraction, but now I was more than willing to bet we were in lust more so than in love with each other. Since we'd gotten married, our relationship became even rockier what with both of our schedules and the pressure to continuously be the woman he needed, rather than the woman I wanted to be. I had considered filing for divorce on more than one occasion but, when I decided to seriously consult an attorney, I had found out I was pregnant. I thought maybe a baby could help save our unsatisfied marriage.

I found out the hard way that it wouldn't. Maybe it was wishful thinking. Maybe it was naivety. Our situation made me firmly believe that _everything happens for a reason_. There are so many reasons for our marriage to have failed, but I had gotten to the point where I truly did believe that Michael and I weren't meant to be. Fate - the universe, whatever - had a different path lined up for me, and it was up to me to discover and go down that path. I could never be thankful enough to Emily; she played such a great part in my journey to self-discovery. She would be over at my house more than in her own when Michael died, helping with cleaning, cooking, and Claire.

I briefly wondered if meeting Edward was just chance, or if maybe it was beyond that - beyond _us_.

I stopped my train of thought, afraid of the unknown factor that drew us together.

I ran my free hand through my tousled hair.

Edward's piercing green eyes met my dull brown.

"I really like you, Bella," he said, his voice above a whisper.

The hard lines around his face melted, a goofy grin now on his lips.

"I really like you, too, Edward," I whispered back.

His eyes were bright, happiness practically pouring out of them.

Slowly, he brought his face down to my level, and pressed his lips against mine. Soft, plush, lips crashing against my own. His hand cupping my cheek.

My desire to pull him closer.

So I did.

Having wrapped my arms around his waist, I pushed my body against his. My breasts against his well-defined chest.

I could feel the whimper coming out before I could stop it when he pulled away, wiping the back of his hand over his forehead.

Still, I didn't want to let go. I felt safe in his embrace. Wanted.

Something I hadn't felt in a long time, and wanted to revel in.

Edward and I arrived to the diner shortly before I did. He had parked near the front door of the diner, signaling for me to park next to him.

I turned the ignition off, grabbed my purse, and stepped out. I blew Edward a kiss as I locked the car and met him at the entrance.

"Thanks for coming to dinner with me, Bella. I really appreciate it."

"It's my pleasure, Edward. I would've said no if I didn't want to be here."

"I have no doubt about that. You don't seem like the kind of girl to do something you don't want to do."

I chuckled.

"That's for sure. Michael - my late husband - would always say I was as stubborn as an ox. I would laugh, of course, since he was prone to exaggerate, but I guess there was some truth to that."

"I can't disagree with that logic," he said with a smirk. "At least you'd be a beautiful ox."

The heat rose to my cheeks quickly.

"Thank you. You'd be quite a handsome ox," I winked.

As we approached the hostess's station, he wrapped an arm around my waist. He made small talk with the hostess on shift, and she quickly sat us in a booth near the back. Edward let me slide in first before going to the opposite side and sliding in front of me, taking my hand in his.

"Your waiter will be right with you," said the petite blonde. Her hips swayed with extra effort as she walked away. Edward wasn't looking at her though, he was looking straight at me.

"I know we haven't even gotten through our meal yet, but I'm already prepared to say we should do this again."

"I'd like that."

The rest of the evening was spent under the dim lights of the diner, without a second of silence and continuous jokes. We spoke about Claire, our parents, and even Michael. I told him how we had met in college, our marriage, and our early stages of parenthood. I could see the sadness in his face when we discussed my past career in dance, after getting married, and how my dancing became practically nonexistent after Claire was born.

He spoke about his own college years, how he had finished his degree in engineering and had several job offers lined up throughout the city. I smiled, thinking about how this incredible man was surely changing my life.

I had never thought I could be open to the possibility of finding love - or what I thought was love - again. Edward was tearing down through every single self-made wall I had created.

Surprisingly enough, I was enjoying being _vulnerable_ with him.

Before we knew it, we were driving our separate ways after many goodbye kisses by our cars. We made plans for him to come over to our house for dinner. We agreed to take advantage of that opportunity to tell Claire we were dating.

I got home after ten. Emily was sitting on one of the chairs in the family room, watching some reality show and a glass of red wine in her hand.

"Hey, when did she go down?"

"About an hour ago. We played some games and watched a movie before bed. She had a blast with Jess and Quil at the park, too."

"I'm so glad. Edward and I were both working until late tonight and decided to have diner at Millie's down the street."

Her eyebrows shot up, a sly smile coming out.

"Really? How was it?"

"It was great. We had a nice time, and made plans for later this week with Claire."

"That's amazing! I mean, they've already met, but it'll be good for them to spend time together in a more comfortable setting."

"I absolutely agree. Claire seems to like him, and I really like him too."

"I can tell, Bells."

Emily stayed for a while longer before making her way out. I lay down on the couch, the show she was watching still on, and tuned everything out.

It didn't take long to fall asleep.

Over the next few weeks, things at the studio had gotten extremely busy. Claire had become friends with many of the girls in her dance class at our studio, and actually became close with Edward. If it had been a good night and we weren't too tired, he would come over to our house, watch a movie during dinner, and stay for a glass of wine once Claire was in bed.

Tonight would be different though. Claire's first recital of the winter season was upon us, and Edward had invited his family to see her performance.

Esme and Alice helped me get all the costumes ready for the girls, and even with some cooking during late nights at the studio, since Edward was all but moved in. He'd spend more time at our house than at his own, and I loved every minute of it.

The night of Claire's performance, Edward came backstage and handed both Claire and I bouquets of gerber daisies. Claire was ecstatic, a blush creeping on her cheeks, and a huge smile on her face.

I gave her a big kiss, and made my way to the front row of seats where Edward's family was waiting with Emily. We sat together, all of us holding hands as tears streamed down my face.

Claire was stunning. A perfect vision in pink that I never wanted to forget. Her hair was pinned perfectly, and her blue eyes shone with emotion every step she took.

When the recital came to an end, Edward, Esme, Alice, Emily, and I met Claire in the corridor and each gave her hugs and kisses.

She had been nothing but amazing, and deserved to hear it from everybody around her.

Edward held us both in his arms and whispered in my ear, "I love you, Bella,"

I couldn't hold back the tears as I whispered back, "I love you too."

I couldn't have been happier than I was at that moment, being held by the man I loved and my daughter.


End file.
